I mean, I am used to it by now... I haven't had a phone call on my birthday from my dad in a long time. I mean, I know I have received them in the past. It's just that, I really don't remember when the last time was.... It has either been a couple of years or maybe very recently. But the fact that they occur so sporadically, it makes it very difficult to remember when the last time was. I know I shouldn't expect his call. But I would love to receive one. He is my dad. And although the relationship between he and I has been severely strained for years, I still want to hear from him. To know he remembers he has a son. To know he notices I still exist. Why can't he pick up the phone and just call me... Fuck my life...
I remember my birthdays when I was a kid. When my parents were still together. I had a couple of parties, which was cool But I always thought birthday parties were lame as a kid. I don't know what it was, but I just kinda felt weird around a bunch of kids playing boring games and eating cake and ice cream. I am not a fan of cake. I don't really think I ever have been. Thank God for ice cream cake, because if not, I would request candles on an inch and a half thick NY Strip steak, medium rare with mushrooms and onions... But I digress. Even with the birthday parties, my parents celebrated my birthday on the actual day. I would open gifts like it was Christmas morning. And all my toys were name brand.... Dad didn't skimp on his kids. We had the best of everything in life. So the year I asked for a particular football from Toys R Us, he made sure I got that football. My parents worked hard to give us the best.
When they divorced things changed. Birthdays were still great. Mom still got us the best. But she had to go without a lot of things to give us the best. We would open gifts and have the newest Genesis games. And she was wearing the same jeans she has owned for years. I know it was hard for her to buy us gifts, but she made it work. As for my dad.... Well, all I really ever got was a phone call from him. And then after a while, those stopped just as well..... It wasn't until I complained to my uncle, my dad's brother, that my dad doesn't even call me on my birthday; that he forgot about me, that he began to call me again.... And even though it wasn't a physical present, it was more than he had done before, so I appreciated it more than he may ever know.
The calls stopped again. Did he forget I existed again? Was he out getting high in my name? Was he drunk between his beers and his misery? Did he even want to call me? Me, the most sensitive out of all his kids... Was I worth his time? I wasn't sure.... I just knew every one else took the time out to at least call me. My family would join me out clubbing, even mom.... And we would party 'til we were numb... Dance the night away and drink until we forgot... But all night, no matter how drunk I was, I would wait for that call... But like a man with whiskey dick, it wasn't going to come..... Fuck my life.... and Fuck my dad....
It took a long time but I finally got a call. This time it wasn't from my dad. It was about him. He was about to serve time in the Florida State Penitentiary System. The charge? Weapons possession. My dad, a man in his 60's, was caught driving with a suspended license. Upon searching the vehicle they found his gun. An illegal one of course. I knew the phone call wasn't coming that year for sure. For once he had a legitimate reason for not calling me. I didn't need to wait around with my phone in my pocket hoping to have it ring with his name in the caller ID area. It just wasn't going to happen.
My dad and I spoke this past summer, July 2010. We worked things out. I was able to forgive him for all his past wrongs. I put everything behind me. I loved my dad again. The hate I held for him was gone. I saw a man that loved his kids and although he couldn't be a great dad, was prouder of us than he was of himself. My brother had given my dad a cell phone under my brothers plan. My dad now had a phone that would never be turned off because he didn't pay the bill.... When he got that phone, we called each other. And spoke. But in my mind, I was selfish. I didn't want to speak to him then. No! I want that birthday phone call! He missed when I turned 30, he can't miss me turning 31. No excuse! He has a phone. He is clean! No drugs, no alcohol. It would take God himself for my dad to miss my birthday this year....
On November 26, 2010 at approximately 11am, Oswaldo Padilla Ortiz, at 62 years old, passed away from complications with his liver. December 18th a funeral mass was held for him.
February 2nd, 2011, his son, turns 31. Half the age of his father when he passed away. He doesn't have his phone in his pocket. He barely keeps it by his side. He hasn't deleted his dad's number from his phone and he probably never will. But he knows, that for the first time ever, he doesn't need to expect "'Dad" to show up on the caller ID. there's no need for him to build his hopes up and get excited for any reason. He has come to grips with it. There will be no phone call this year.
Talk to you soon.....
No matter what age you were you always had his Love. Sometimes people get stuck in their ways and forget that they should also share their Love. He was always proud of you and the accomplishments in your life even if he did not call or share many things with you. You grew and became a man loved by many, did you see all your FB peeps giving you a shout out for your B-day. The call never came but he did smile at you from above, were you paying attention? Time to widen your horizons, expand your God given abilities and remember to call your one day children, nephews, nieces... on their B-day. Time for a change, to break that chain of your father, and his father and so on... that did not make that B-day call to their Little Loved ones. You are and were truly Blessed and Loved all the days of your life!
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