Everything I Know I Learned in Kindergarten.....

Oooooooh how times were so much simpler then. Before all the responsibilities and bills.... Before texting, instant messages, emails, internet, iPhones and Droids..... Before all these technologies took over our lives, we existed by the simple rules that we learned in Kindergarten.... These basic instructions guide us on our everyday journey through life.... They are also some of the hardest things to ever pay attention too..... Who in the hell really wants to have to follow rules the rest of their lives...... But, it is what it is..... And its all because of that first year of school when we ere 4 and 5 years old....

1. Listen When Others are Talking..... This is suuuuch a big rule in life.... And not because we need to pay attention to  everyone, but because there are some people we need to just sit back and pay attention to exactly what they say.... The straight bullshit that comes out of their mouths sometimes is ridiculous..... I was in a situation where my homegirl was approached by a dude while I was talking with her. The dude just started on and on about how great he was in life... And thats fine, your allowed to make yourself seem more important. But when he told her he owned a 7 room studio apartment, well, I almost pissed my pants... really guy? A 7 room STUDIO??? Yes people, always listen to when stupid people are talking. They will always amaze you...

2. Follow Directions... Unless of course your GPS unit tells you to make a left turn in New Jersey.... THAT STATE HAS NO LEFT TURNS!!!! But after receiving my ticket and not paying it in time, I learned how to follow directions quickly.... It seems in Morris Plains, NJ, if you don't pay your ticket or repoert for court, they put a warrant out for your arrest... Thats right, I had a warrant out against me.. I received a letter telling me that I could either go in and pay the bail amount of $195 or possibly be pulled over and cuffed.... So, two days after the huge snowstorm, I drove out to Jersey and paid that bail... Only time I want cuffs on me is when.... well...... I'll leave that one alone...

3. Keep Hands, Feet and Objects to Yourself..... Yea. I'll try.... But if she walks into the room looking all sexy again... I hiiiiiighly doubt I'll be able to control any of my reactions. Cause when it comes to kicking the covers, anything goes and animal instincts take over. For the most part we are tame creatures and are respectful of each others personal space. But you know, after a couple drinks and a backseat grope-fest in the back of a NYC taxi.... well, all bets are off on the personal space...

4. Work Quietly and Do Not Disturb Others.... Or I will get up and punch you in the head! When I was in college I was told that studying in the library was the most peaceful place to study in.... Or to hold a get together in it seems. No college library is actually used for studying until the last week of school. I never really had a job in an office setting, but I imagine its pretty much like a college library. People procrastinating walking around with nothing to do, having conversations about how drunk they were this past weekend and lying about who they banged. Nobody wants to hear this mess and nobody really cares.... Walk away from the cubicle and keep it moving...

5. Show Respect for School and Personal Property.... This means when your boy passes out cause he had one too many, do not, I repeat DO NOT, tag all over his face with a magic marker. Do not cover him in flour. Do not piss in his shoes and for the sake of all that is good, do not carry him out into the front yard while he is still in his bed....  Yes, it may seem funny and yes we all laughed... but.... Well.... naw, to hell with that..... thats some funny shit.... One kid had a penis drawn on him the length of face with a bombing marker.. Another one we put into his car and then wrapped it with plastic food wrap! LMAO! Oh yea, but don't touch my stuff..... I'll kick you ass butt....

6. Work and Play in a Safe Manner.... Especially that play part. Look, ladies, gents.... No matter how attractive they may seem.... Wrap it up! Even if you think your Superman, 18 years of consequence from a one night stand just isn't worth it.... Plus, you're probably too drunk to feel anything anyways, so you might as well play safe, cause that numbness you feel isn't just in your face and hands.... Thats an all over feeling....

Well, there you have it. I hope I have been able to steer you in the right direction in life. These 6 basic rules have motivated me to become the person I am today. And I am pretty sure we can all appreciate that.....

Talk to you soon......